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Every so often we are all graced with a snappy punch line of a title and teasing synopsis, accompanied by an intriguing photo that sports several likes and maybe some comments on our News-feeds and Twitter-feeds. I’m not talking about the minor league blogs such as mine.  I’m talking about the real deals, the mega followed possibly highly controversial.  Maybe it’s a break through blog, a new shining star in the vast universe of blogs.  Recently one such blog has been gracing the screen of my Facebook page daily, you may have heard of it: 23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23.  Due to the fact that I was married at age 22, I knew that I probably wouldn’t see eye to eye with the author of this blog.  I faced enough criticism when I was engaged, I didn’t need to go through hearing why I was too young again.  But it kept popping up! So I read it.  I read it and I didn’t love it,  but I liked parts of it..  

I told my husband about it in a “you won’t believe what I read” kind of way but our conversation lasted about 2 minutes ending with me thinking “marriage is awesome.”  Pretty great considering I swore at a young age that I would never get married.

Then the inevitable began.  The wide range of opposing blogs started to pop up. Someone even disliked the blog so much they began their blog because of it! That one kept popping up on my screen too, so I read it, among a few others.

I’m not an expert at blogging… or at being a good person, Jesus has to teach me a lot and be super patient with me. BUT I didn’t really like that people kept trying to argue against this blogger about her post.

I’m not saying that it is not good to voice your opinion or stand your ground, but sometimes people hiding behind their computer screens can be a bit too snarky and even be just plain mean. Cyber bullying is a thing and I see it too much.

I have this  belief I always share with my students, something I have learned the hard way through my short life’s experiences.

1. It is always easier to be mean than nice

2. It is always easier to ridicule than compliment

3. It is always easier to criticize an idea than to remain open minded to it

4. It is easier to be negative than positive

The same may not be true for your life. You may have a really easy time keeping a positive mind set.  You may be kind to all people, It may not be difficult for you to always see the best in others, and you may mostly stay open to someone’s view points and ideas.  For myself, and for most of the people I have encountered, this just isn’t the case.  For students who are struggling I share my ideas with them and I conclude by asking the following of them:

Please don’t settle for what is easy, always fight for what is good.

I write about some pretty controversial topics on here, namely Christianity.  I talk about Jesus a lot, or I hope I do. I talk about my relationship with Him, my struggles.  I share portions of my life.  People use the word vulnerable a lot in reference to my blog, and I am ok with that, because to me, that allows Jesus to come through.  He was vulnerable and in my vulnerability His love will hopefully come through.

If ever my blog graces the news-feeds of hundreds or thousands of Facebook pages or Twitter feeds, then there are bound to be people that do not like what I have to say.  Some just won’t agree, because people just don’t agree about Jesus right now.  But my hope is that people will be kind and respectful in their disagreement.  

Rather than picking a fight in my comment section or writing a blog post that that points out everywhere I went I wrong, I hope they will bring their arguments to me.  Message me, call me, write me, I don’t care, I just hope they attempt to come to me.  That they ask me about the things they disagree with and argue their point to me so that we can dialogue.  Maybe there will be too many who disagree to talk to!  Hopefully despite what they disagree with they can find some good in what I write.

I’m writing this because I think we need to be kinder to each other on the internet.  

Does this make me lame? Maybe. I am indeed writing an entire blog post about being kind to one another.  Maybe this is the teacher in me that hates to see students fight unnecessarily or belittle one another.

It’s easier to dismiss someone’s ideas, it is much more difficult to invest in them, or at least consider them.  This blog entry about enjoying the single life, which gets a little snarky towards my folk (we who marry young), reminds me of how much I want to travel, of how much I want to see and taste and experience in this life.  It makes me love the thirst for adventure that exists within me.  It especially makes me grateful that I have a partner who has brought this out in me, who makes me more courageous, who makes me the most me, and will make the colorful experiences of this life more vibrant.

I hope that I will find the benefit in what someone has to offer always, that I can always appreciate their courageous choice to voice what they believe in.  My argument isn’t perfect, but readers of my blog know that I embrace imperfection, everyone’s, including my own.  I wear it on my sleeve, I drink it up, and let it spill out.  Because in my imperfection shines my Jesus, the only perfect man that ever lived, died, and lives on.

 

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This week was by far the WORST week of teaching yet! Between relentlessly unforgiving radicals, fist fights, and ungrateful students (love them, but… it’s the truth) Wednesday, I was ready to quit.  I called Tim that afternoon on my way home and told him I was not going back.

It all started Monday, when the lesson I intended to take half a period began its 4 day journey.  I was teaching special right triangles, which is a very abstract concept compared to other topics we learn in geometry.  I quickly realized that the only thing that could be more frustrating than teaching special right triangles, was learning about special right triangles.  After 50 minutes of unsuccessful hands on discovery I gave up and resorted to lecture and note taking, thinking if I can demonstrate the development of special right triangles THEN they will be able to see and understand, I just need to talk and write through it for them to see.  Oh, how sorry I feel for Monday me.

I’m not sure how, but at some point in the conversation this happened:

Me: “Ok, if I have A and I add another A to it, what will I have?”

Student 1: B!

Student 2: 6.2!

Student 3: 11!

Me: (silently, in my head) what the hell…. b? 6.2? crap… (out loud again…) ok… think of it this way, if i have an apple and I add another apple to it then I’ll have

Students: 2 apples!!

Me: awesome! ok so now I’ll just say A instead of apple.  if I have A, and I add another A, what will I get?

Students: 2 A! This is easy! This is stupid!

Me: ok that’s awesome, so what if I have A^2 and I add another A^2? what will I have?

Students: C^2!

Me: ….. (stunned silence)

Students: I don’t get it, this is hard, this is stupid!

At one point I began talking about taking apples^bannanas… and eventually I just turned around and started gently tapping my head against the white board out of frustration.  My class started apologizing which tore my heart apart.  I told them in the last seconds I had that this was NOT their fault and that my frustration was with my inability to teach them this concept.

In an hour and 20 minutes my entire lesson plan came crashing down (which if you’ve ever made a lesson plan, you know how heart wrenching that is).  So I quickly revised my plan for the next period and the lesson went better… minimally.  The next day I tried to repeat my revised lesson plan with my students in first period only to have everything come crashing down AGAIN, and then to find that the “improvement” in my other classes was not showing up in the data (grades).  2 days, 1 lesson, and 0 growth out of my students.

Repetition.

That will fix the problem.  I’ll just have them do the same thing they don’t know how to do over and over and then magically they will get it.

I actually thought that would work… poor wednesday me…

Needless to say that didn’t, and even working with students individually was not helping to get the concept through. On top of this when fifth period rolled around I almost had a fight break out in my class WHILE visitors from another school came in and another student protested against geometry. W.O.W.

NOTHING WAS WORKING! 3 different lessons which resulted in 3 failed attempts, and on top of that classroom discipline just seemed to disappear.  I went home and I cried. and I cried. and I cried. Then I called a teacher to ask for advice and she said to give it one more shot.  Look up different ideas and give it one more shot.

Well by that time I needed to go to bible study, so before I could plan yet ANOTHER lesson over what I was beginning to think was the devil’s subject, Tim and I got in the car where I pouted all the entire drive while eating nearly half the grapes we were taking to share (how rude).     I made it through dinner barely.  However, when it came time for the actual study part of the evening, while the leader prayed, I went to the bathroom and wept.

Being so far away from family

Feeling so distant from friends

The stress of trying to study for my certification exam

The exhaustion of a full time job and a certification class

The feeling of failure after being so sure I had finally found my rhythm

Exasperation.

Am I doing what God wants me to be doing?

I felt so sure of it… until now. 

Were we where God wanted us?

If yes, then why was it taking so long to form intimate community?

Was it me? My track record in friendships wasn’t great… so was it my fault? Again?

I cried and cried and cried until Tim found me and took me home.  I cried all the way home, and I cried myself to sleep.  Not a big dramatic cry.  The kind of cry where your heart feels like it’s doing more of the weeping then your eyes. I went to sleep at 8:30 that night and did not care to think about the next day, it could take it’s sweet time getting there.

However, as it usually does, the morning came and it was time to go to work.  Not early as I had hoped so that I could PUT a lesson together.  That was a miserable commute that day.

God. Please help me just to make it through the day, and please, PLEASE help my students to get this concept… I can’t stand teaching it anymore.  Also, I need a lesson plan, please help me think of something.

I made it in time for the prayer meeting.  My mentor teacher asked me if I had come up with a new lesson to which I explained how I was too busy crying the night before to come up with one.  I mentioned how frustrated I was and another teacher turned to me and said that I should have the students lay on the floor to be the triangles.  Because of the concept I knew that I couldn’t represent the concept accurately given the varying body lengths of my students but suddenly wheels began turning.

Triangles on the floor.  I was seeing triangles on the floor.

Paper! Colored Paper!

My students couldn’t BE the triangle, but they COULD be parts of the triangle! My head shot up and I announced that I would need some tape.  My mentor teacher happened to have some that I could borrow, as well as colored paper.  After the prayer I quickly ran upstairs to shove all of the desks out of the way and I began feverishly taping giant triangles on my classroom floor.  I finished making the signs just as my first two students walked through the door.

“Class, we will not be sitting today, we will be trying a final attempt at the concept of special right triangles, line up against the wall”

My confused class reluctantly walked over to the wall and I began asking for volunteers.  Here’s a summary:

3 students represented an angle measure: one 30, one 60, and one 90 degrees. This group carried Blue signs with their measurement labeled on it.

3 students represented the side names: shorter leg, longer leg, and hypotenuse. This student carried light green signs with their name labeled on it.

3 students represented the variables that coincided with those sides: x, x times the square root of 3, and 2x. This group carried golden signs with their variables written on it.

I instructed each group to find their location on the triangle one at a time.  At the end I would give a side a number on a small white board and the class would solve out for the other two sides.

This was BEYOND successful, and here is why:

  1. My students learned the concept!!! OH MY GOSH this was amazing to see.  After three full days on this concept with confused in frustrated students, I was able to give my students a handful of scenarios that they were able to solve without aid confidently. w.o.w.
  2. it was fun! We all made up stories during the story time portion to describe scenarios where we would have to solve for the length of the sides of a triangle, my personal favorite was the one about Tom and Jerry (my students are so creative!)
  3. it caught the eye of my academic supivisor who not only recorded it, but used it the video to show student engagement to other math teachers AND some people in the district… I was too excited to catch who
  4. it caught the eye of my AP! She stopped me in the hall to tell me that she loved the idea and e-mailed the principle about it the next day!

WOW. what a difference one day can make.  I went from exasperated failure to successful potential in 2 hours.  As soon as I finished talking with my academic supervisor I closed the door to my classroom, laid my head on my desk, and praised God, because after the past three days HE is the only explanation for such an incredible turn around.

Today my students still knew the concept, almost TOO well as they wanted to use it EVERYWHERE instead of just with special right triangles (opposed to the normal ones… a sarcastic fact).

I am in no hurry to take the tape off my floor as it serves as a good reminder of the lessons teaching the concept taught me:

  1. Try, try, and try again.  If something doesn’t work, learn, research, and try something new
  2. It’s OK to fail… it sucks, but it’s ok.  If I hadn’t done such a terrible job, seeing the success would not have been nearly as humbling or exciting
  3. Learn from others.  Relying on my own brain is a huge mistake when there are so many other people with so many creative ideas.  Limiting my resources to myself is not only a hindrance to me, but also to my students
  4. Plans don’t always work, be flexible.

Thursday didn’t end perfectly, I still left frustrated by other things occurring in the classroom, but it was encouraging.  I am so thankful that God took me through the week and helped me through to the other side.  I still don’t have a lot of answers, and there is still fear in me about community, but if God is willing to meet me on a level as trivial as a lesson plan, I believe I can rest in the knowledge that He will meet me everywhere else.  I am one lucky lady.

So what’s the real lesson here? Hug your teacher, it’s harder than you think.

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