Hearts Unaligned

Since I met Tim at the wonderfully fashionable tacky Christmas sweater party in 2008 we have just clicked.

And marriage hasn’t phased us terribly yet.  We’ve definitely had some nasty fights, and there are days where we get so frustrated with this person we live with that we can’t fathom another day, let alone a lifetime of being with each other.

But most days we are just having a great time with the person we love: watching TV, walking our dogs, grocery shopping, doctor’s appointments, you name it, we will have a blast being together.

But what happens when all of a sudden two people have dramatically different visions for their lives?

I never considered this as a potential in marriage, I always assumed God would move both of our hearts in the same direction at the same time… always.

But apparently this can happen and it did.  After we found out that we would not be going to Malaysia, we were both really bummed out.  Instead of sulking (for too long) we decided to seek God on the matter, and what we found were two beautiful paths, that did not align at ALL.

As Tim prayed he became more convinced that this opportunity had been purposeful, and that we should be seeking other opportunities like it.  I always use the phrase if Tim could have packed up and moved us two weeks ago we would be gone to describe his enthusiasm for living internationally.  He was confident, steady, and determined.

I prayed as well, but instead of receiving this same message it became abundantly clear to my heart that God was calling us to live more intentionally in our community here in Houston.  I have at times felt Houston is not our forever city, but our city for now.  I prayed about this from the perspective of a teacher wanting to know if she should be looking to sign another contract, and received a very firm answer that we should plan to stay another academic year.  I was confident, steady, and determined.  And scared… but save that for another day.

So Tim was ready to pack us up and ship out, and I was ready to dig roots deeper here.  Hmmm.

So many nights we would get frustrated with each other both saying “I don’t feel like you are honoring the call that is on my heart” and both being right.

When I wanted to talk about what we could do here to settle in Tim wanted to talk about applications for positions across seas.  When I wanted to invest time in friendships, Tim wanted to invest connecting internationally.

Oh crap.

Compromise.  How do we compromise?

His heart:

Tim and I have decided to visit some friends in Kurdistan this summer and also take some time to visit Jerusalem.  On our trip to Asia, we will also be stopping in London and Istanbul.  Tim has been planning like crazy for weeks now and I have been doing my best to stay focused during our itinerary meetings and keep up with his enthusiasm.

I have no idea how we will react to traveling.  We are both so excited, but we could go and decide another country is indeed where we need to be, or we could go and decide that this country is where we need to be.  Either way there are so many questions we will then want to ask.

Her heart:

And when we are not running around new cities and airports? We will be focused on being present here where we are.  Being more intentional about time with others and service (hopefully starting in July when we return).

So many things are still undetermined.  We know that we will be in Houston this next year, but doing what? After that, then what? We don’t have a five year plan, or even a 5 month plan, but in this we feel most content.

Some may say we are being unwise, but we are learning to trust our Savior daily, a difficult lesson indeed.  For now we do our best to honor each other, and above this, the one who calls our hearts to live fully and wonderfully, individually and together.

Wait.

I only have about 10 minutes to write in here, it has been a long while, and I don’t want to write a lot, but standing here sipping on a warm coffee watching my husband clean up our messy kitchen, I am inspired to share a small peace of my heart with you.

I don’t think you should get married, not until you have met the person who is going to be your partner.  I think you should live and love as strongly as possible as a single person until that one that makes you live and love stronger than you could on your own finds you.  Maybe you’ll find them, maybe you’ll find each other, I don’t know! I’m not an expert on marriage, but I am so thankful God blessed me with the partner I have for so many reasons.  Below are just a few.

1. I am better because of Tim:  Tim grounds me and challenges me.  He brings my passionate heart so full of dreams back to earth where I can make a dream become a reality.  When I feel like my world is falling apart, he helps me open my eyes to count my blessings.  With him by my side I am able to do more, love more, and live more than I was able to on my own.

2. I am more courageous because of Tim: Inside this homebody in an adventurous heart that longs to hear, touch, taste, smell, and see the world around me.  Tim makes the logistics work, and where I am too scared to realize my dreams, Tim is 10 paces ahead of me, eagerly urging me on, take the next, let’s keep going!  His excitement for the world full of possibilities pushes me to be more courageous, to take that next step.

3. Tim lives out his love:  Tim doesn’t just tell me to look to God, he lives out God.  When the world around me feels like it is caving in, and I can’t fathom that there is a God who sees me let alone loves me, Tim doesn’t just tell me to trust, he shows me why I should.  When I am walking through the heart of dark depression, Tim leaves me breathless, thinking if there really is a God who loves me the way this man does, and Tim says he loves me more, wow… how could this be?

Don’t get married, not for marriage.  Get married when you find the one who makes you better, who lives a life that inspires you, and who is inspired by you.  Don’t get married, not until you meet your beloved and your friend, anything else just pales in comparison. Wait.