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Who this entry is not for:

  1. If you have your life completely together/you have life figured out
  2. If you have never experienced shame
  3. If you have never held a grudge
  4. If you never experience failure
  5. If you have never made a mistake
  6. If you have never been hurt by someone
  7. If you have never hurt someone badly
  8. If you have never felt sick to your stomach with worry
  9. If you have never been floored by confusion
  10. If you have never been broken

Who this entry is for:

  1. The messy
  2. The shamed
  3. The grudge holder
  4. The failure
  5. The imperfect
  6. The heartbroken
  7. The heart breaker
  8. The worried
  9. The confused
  10. The broken

My message: you are not alone.  My mission: to help set you free.

I’ve had a lot of reactions to my blog posts.  People have told me they are funny.  People have told me they are inspiring.  People have told me they are uncomfortable.

My most recent post, which was several weeks ago, and referred to problems experienced several weeks prior to that, stirred up probably the most extreme emotions yet.  For those of you who have not read the post, I wrote about the raw emotions Tim and I experienced as we encountered the first truly hurtful problem in our marriage.  I wrote about how we overcame the problem.  I wrote about our commitment to each other.  I would like to point out here, now, that I never wrote about the problem itself.   Not now, maybe not ever, not until the Spirit leads us in wisdom to do so in a way that would be beneficial to others.

Why then, do I write these things? The “bad” emotions?

Because somewhere out there, in this image obsessed society, there is someone like me, who is broken and messy.  And to that person I say, you are not alone.  Look, look at my mess.  My beautiful, broken, bleak, and wonderful mess.  It is just as real as your mess, the details may be different, but I am a mess all the same, you are not alone.  Read through my entries, they are a reflection of this mess we share.  I am not perfect, my stories will not all be about good times, that’s just not real, but you know this, and that’s why I write to you, because you share in my mess.

How then, do I write these things? They clearly make others feel uncomfortable at times, how do I feel so comfortable saying I am broken, but beautiful?

I have been set free

Here’s the honest truth, you may not like it: you are going to die.  So am I.  Soon.

“Our days on earth are like grass, like wildflowers, we bloom and die.”

Psalm 103:15

Death, to me, is so real, I hate it.  I don’t fear it, I hate it.  I hate everything it conjures up: fear, anguish, grief.   I am disgusted by death.  I am enthralled by life.  By Him. By my maker. By the one who has conquered death.  By the one who has made heaven more real than death.  By the one who will bring me home.  By the one who is perfectly good, perfectly loving, perfectly perfect.  By the one who is not a mess, who is never confused, and can never be broken.  To the one who has come for people like me, people who are imperfect and messy.

I no longer have to be perfect, because I have been set free by the one who already is.  I am free to live life with out shame, without regret, and without the chains of the law (biblical law, not an anarchist) holding me down.  I have been redeemed.

Why?  Why then, in my freedom would I hide my mistakes, my mess, when I know they do not define me? They are simply a part of my story, my journey, but me, I am incredible. I was made this way, and I am not alone. If you are a human, you are a mess, in some way shape or form, you have been broken, you have broken, you have tried and failed, you have felt shame or guilt, confusion, sadness and the list goes on, but you too, are incredible.

Why? Why would I hide my mistakes, my mess, when I have been set free?  I don’t have time.  I don’t have time to try and set up a perfect facade to try and convince people that I’m awesome before I die.  Besides I already know I’m awesome, my God made me that way, like I said, I’m broken, and beautiful.  I am not going to be a slave to this world by going along with its norms which say we must have it all together.  I am here now yes, but I am going home, so I’m not worried about trying to please this world, or fit into it.

I feel my home in my heart.  It is so close.

I am broken, and I am beautiful.  I am free.

My message: You are not alone.  

My mission: To  help set you free.

See that you are broken, own that you are broken, confess that you are broken, and then see that you are beautiful.

On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Mark 2:17

To the sexually assaulted, addicted, and obsessed.  To the narcotics user and the alcohol abuser. To the person who just can’t catch a break in life.  To the money poor and anxious.  To the approval seeking, power hungry, gluttonous sinner.  You are not alone. From the fall, to the return, there have been, are, and always will be messy people like you.  What you do, your actions, they are ugly, they are awful, they are everything you know them to be.  But you, you are beautiful, you were made to be incredible.

In English 101 (because I’m a math major, and a pretty poor one at that) they tell you to end these things with a call to action.  So my call to you is His calling on your heart: Lose your life, confess your mess, and find true life in a love that frees.

It is with a love beyond myself that I write tonight. Good night, and God bless.

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