Happy Friday! With only a few short days before Thanksgiving break Tim and I have been planning ahead for our first holiday season together as husband and wife here in Houston.  Planning may not be the best word for how our arrangements are falling together, it’s been more of a learning process than a planning one.  Our learning has lead to laughter and frustration, but ultimately no plans.  So planning is apparently not the word at all for what’s been going on in the Hendricks apartment.

It all started a few nights ago as Tim told me what our responsibilites were for a thanksgiving meal with Jason Baker:  rolls, stuffing, something else… I started drifting off… and deviled eggs.

Umm what?

Deviled Eggs?! That’s crazy! Right? …right?

Apparently not.  I found out that Tim’s family has deviled eggs every Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Umm what?

Deviled Eggs?! That’s an EASTER side dish. NOT Thanksgiving! Right? … right?

Apparently not! Oh the year of firsts.  So many unexpected little twists and turns, some significant, others just deviled eggs.

Tim left his family to be married to me, and I left my family to be married to him and now we have two ways of living that we’re meshing together, bringing us to discrepencies like which holiday owns deviled eggs.

I called my mom the next day laughing because Tim just couldn’t believe that we didn’t eat deviled eggs on Thanksgiving.  She supported my claim that indeed we never had fixed deviled eggs and laughed as she told me simply “it looks like you have a new Thanksgiving dish!”

And I do! It’ll be different than what I’m used to, but Tim and I will be fixing deviled eggs this Thanksgiving and I’m sure I’ll enjoy them then just as much as I do on Easter.

This is the sometimes funny, other times enlightening, and occasionaly frustrating part of marriage.  You take two people who have learned two ways of living and you put them together and they create a new way of living, keeping some of their own traditions and molding them together.  This means that we will alway eat deviled eggs at Thanksgiving now, and that no matter what we will eat chinese when we’re sick, it means we don’t always turn the AC down at night,  that sports are going to be a passtime we make time for, that starbucks is a place we find money for, it means sometimes when one of us is stressed we talk it out, and when the other one is stressed we allow space and time to think it out, it means that planning ahead is important, but that allowing time for flexibility is needed, and this list could go on forever.

Being married means you learn a whole lot of things.  Sometimes it means you don’t go to your favorite resteraunt one night, or that you watch The Lorax even though it’s not really how you want to spend your evening (thanks Tim).  It’s give and take.  And it’s fun! As long as we let it be fun and we don’t get upset over things as trivial as deviled eggs or watching animated kid movies.  We learn to embrace the other’s way of living, not worrying over spilt milk, because the real trials will come so we don’t need to make trials out of chinese food or thermostats.

None of this is to say we don’t get frustrated sometimes.  Just last night I found out that our lunch with J-Bay is actually a big deal with all of Tim’s old roommates back home.  I got really frustrated about not knowing this and Tim and I had a good hour of us just arguing over our pizza as it got cold.

Apparently Tim had been telling me these things everynight as we went to bed, and I mean literally as we went to bed. I was falling asleep while he would let me know what the weekend plans were, which meant that I:

  1.  wasn’t a part of the planning and
  2. didn’t actually hear the plans.

Tim didn’t mean for this to happen, he was actually trying to help me and thought he was doing me a favor because I’ve told him before that I don’t like to make plans.  I had to clarify that to me not making plans meant I literally liked having a whole free day with no plans, not that I was opposed to the planning process.  Then Tim had to  had to talk to me about how plans were necessary, especially around the holidays.  He had to give a little, I had to give a little. And eventually we were able to sit down and eat the pizza Tim had wanted while watching the movie I had chosen.  We learned and we came one step closer to molding his life into my life, and my life into his.  We came one step closer into molding his life with my life to create our life.

Marriage is a funny thing, and it definitely changes the way you live, communicate, and as we’re learning, eat, and as long as we let it, the changes are always for the better.

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