The thing I’ve been fearing most since the big “I do” finally happened: our first fight.  I’m not going to get into the details of it, but I will tell you what initiated it: soccer.

Surprise surprise.  Anyone who has known Tim for at least 20 minutes will learn that Tim loves soccer.  Anyone who has known me for… a while, will know that I don’t get soccer.  I can understand why you would want to play soccer, but I don’t get watching soccer, as hard as I try, I just can’t get into it.   But I try, I try to love it for Tim, who as I write this, is watching Sporting Kansas City.  But more often than not, I fail at loving it, and in a moment of frustration over soccer our first fight began.

I hate being angry.  I hate the feeling of being angry, it can be so strong that it makes me feel sick.

I hate being alone and angry even more.  I learned this yesterday.  I was so mad I didn’t want to talk to Tim, so I drove to the library, and Tim was so angry he drove to the Park.  We needed space and time to clear our heads so he went outside where he could find space, and I went to books where I could wait for my feelings to “simmer down” (I found some semi-interesting information on fire ants and how campaign ads play a role in presidential elections).

When we finally came back together we argued imperfectly.  At one point I declared that we were no longer a couple but roommates and that the guestroom was my new bedroom (when he came in to talk to me I told him he had to knock because it was my room, and he laughed… which made me more mad).  Finally after lots of frustration and tears (on my end) we both were able to lay aside our own feelings to hear what the other person was saying, and we reached an understanding.

We understood that the other person was right. We were both right and we were both wrong.  WE were being selfish.  When we finally listened we both found things that we do well AND things that we need to work on (and then I cried some more).

I don’t think that arguing or anger are bad things, but I think the way you handle the two have the potential to be bad.  Tim and I did NOT argue perfectly, we have a lot to learn when it comes to communication and settling disputes, but we made it through, and now we have a better understanding of the other person’s needs and how we can help fulfill them, we also know of the other person’s limitations and how we can respect them.

Our fight was a scary thing for me, but we made it through, we lived and we learned.  We are still very imperfect so there will be more fights in the future, I don’t look forward to them, but I no longer fear  them (too much…).

That night when all was said and done, after I gave up on living in the guestroom Tim and I prayed, asking that through everything we would keep no record of wrongs, but take what we learned so that we may better love each other.

Today we were back to our normal selves, laughing, being awkward, getting library cards, playing with the pups, watching soccer (still don’t love it), and getting a little closer to figuring out life together.

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