Flashback: A young Hailey, approximately 3 years old, outside her Texas home with her fearless dad who is killing the mean ants in the yard.  What young Hailey does not realize is that when her fearless dad sprays the aunt hills with poison there is not instantaneous death, so being overcome with the feeling of  victory she stomps on the ant hill as a mark of dominance.  To her horror, however, the angry mean ants start scaling her little leg in military formation.  Thankfully her fearless dad saves her and she escapes the battle with little to no injury.

Present Day: Hailey is back in Texas, but she’s no longer little, but the mean ants, a.k.a. fire ants are equally if not more mean.  Since that ill-fated day of misjudgment in battle along side my fearless dad, I’ve learned to be cautious since my apartment complex has these demon ants everywhere: wear tennis shoes, watch where you step, don’t stay standing in once place too long when dark.

However, today none of this mattered as I lost big time to the angry beasts.  This morning I took the pups out to use the restroom.  Our puppies are amazing, truly, we love them so much.  Aria, the black one, is our little sweet heart who loves love more than all things (a true golden retriever’s heart) and Gracie, the gold one, is our athlete full of energy and always looking for fun.  Both are learning very quickly, however there is one habit of Gracie’s that is quite difficult to break: barking. She barks at everything, including nothing.  Because they haven’t had all their shots quite yet we haven’t been able to socialize them, so anytime she sees a dog or a person Gracie will bark as loud as she can for as long as she can.

So this morning one of the maintence guys came walking around the corner while we were outside Gracie proceeded as usual with the barking.  I crouched down near her trying to distract her, she was unfazed, but I remained calm firmly telling her no after each bark, which became more and more muffled (her muffled barks are seriously the cutest thing ever), I was excited about the progress we were making when I saw them.  Fire ants, scaling my puppies leg, already reaching her thigh. Oh Crap. I looked down to see that the place we were on was a giant ant hill, and the ants were all over and in side my tennis shoe.  My shoes are now compromised, and I have approximately 6 nickel to quarter size welts on my ankles and hands.

Though typically I do love all living things and really can’t bring myself to kill any animal or insect (I save spiders by taking them outside my home rather than stomping on them, no shame) today’s event has inspired me to give to you a kill list of the 4 worst insects of all time.

4. Sprickets  (spider crickets): these mutants just freak me out.  I don’t know if I would say I want to kill them, but I probably wouldn’t object to someone volunteering the act.  A cricket with spider legs, freakiest thing ever.  Which way will it jump? You have no idea but you know it will go far with those long spider legs and cricket spring power.  

3. Mosquitoes (Damn bloodsuckers): Twilight fan? look no farther, vampires really do exist only they don’t shine in the sunlight or have super strength. But they do live by feeding off of animal’s and human’s blood.  They spread disease and cause skin irritation.  Thankfully you don’t need a wooden stake to kill these bloodsuckers, so don’t hold back, eliminate them.

2. Ticks (ew): Confession time, I totally have a phobia of ticks. These lazy worthless insects live by latching onto living things for long amounts of time, spreading diseases which include lyme disease.  I can’t begin to tell you how much I hate these things, they freak me out.  So if you see one kill it.  Be sure to press it between two hard surfaces  or it won’t die (I recommend using a hammer).

1. Fire ants (demon maniacs):  This one is hard for me to write, because typically I love ants, they are just such hard workers I really admire them.  I’m not alone in this either:

“Take a lesson from the ants, you lazybones. Learn from their ways and become wise!”

-Proverbs 6:6 NLV

That’s right! The bible admires ants too! They really are awesome.  HOWEVER fire ants take this trait of good work ethic to an unacceptable level.  I’m sorry I stepped on your ant hill, but you may consider a different location (location location location).  Seriously moving in military like fashion to attack young children and puppies is unacceptable.  They will not hesitate to attack, so neither should you.

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